its 12.36, so i guess its officially christmas. you woudlnt' be able to tell from the weather out here, because its insanely mild for late dec. my family and i had our big holiday dinner last night since my brother had to go back to the west coast to celebrate with the inlaws. we had done the whole gift thing last night, and my family was just sitting around, enjoying each others company. i was so tempted to just blurt out - alright everyone, i'm gay! but i didn't have the balls to do it.
i think when it finally happens its going to be a spur of the moment thing. if i plan it, i'll always talk myself out of it, so i know i need to just suck it up, and blurt it out. i wanted to start the new year off with a clean slate, and jsut go for it, but i'm just too scared. too scared of rejection, too scared of their judgement, too scared of thier disappointment. the words were literally on the tip of my tongue, but i just couldn't pull the trigger. instead, i just sat back, smiled, and just said nothing. oh well. another time, another place.
the other day, i was out shopping with my family and i acutally saw a guy i went on a date with a few nights before. i was too scared to say hi to him because i didn't know how he'd react with my parents there. we've actually gone out on a couple dates, and we hit it off really well, and i know i'll see him again after the holiday break. i was just scared that he'd automatically give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and i dont' know how i'd explain that to my parents, haha. its time like this when the whole double life thing gets tricky. so instead of introducing my parents to a kid im somewhat interested in, i cowardly hid from him so he woudlnt' see me. lame, i know.
in any event, the rents are here for awhile longer, so im pretty much in straight mode for a few more days. its amazing how easily i seem to turn it on and off. im bored out of my mind now, but almost all my friends are outta town, and no way am i going onto craiglist on christmas. something about that, just seems so wrong. haha.
merry chirstmas everyone!