Nov 11, 2007

frustrated

ugh. the more comfortable i get with myself, the more frustrated i get. i just want to sit everyone down and say, IM FUCKING GAY! now, let's move on! i've pretty much stopped hiding it, and i answer with sincerity whenever people questions things now, but its still so hard to just come out and say, okay, im fucking gay.

why is it so hard still?! i wish i could wipe away my old slate, and just start new.

i'm gay! i'm still a man, i'm not ashamed, yet i guess i am.

12 comments:

meshugener said...

Hey I know exactly where you are. First touched a guy at 34. To close friends I came out over the next six month after that and even though most of them were cool - I kept feeling ashamed - like I lied to them all these years and was proud and yet ashamed of myself. Family was harder cause I felt like I was admitting some fault or weakness. Parents were cool and not cool. Loving yet dissappointed which hurt - work I never really came out just started referring to my bf (once i started regular dating). Be patient - it gets better!

meshugener said...

Oh btw - glad you posted - I check back with a couple blogs I like that seem to be inactive and was glad to see a post!

J.R. said...

Same here, man. I want people to just know without me having to tell them -- and yet, in another way, it's reassuring that people assume I'm straight.

I'm still embarrassed about it, even though I know it's normal; beyond my control.

Hey, good to have you back.

Nothing Golden Stays

JP Mac said...

So happy you're back bro.

Cameron said...

You aren't ashamed of yourself. You're just not comfortable with everything that comes with being gay.

You can say what you want about stereotyping. I have personally experienced an individual in SHOCK at finding out that I am gay- and that sucks.

You gotta be you- and being gay is a part of you; it is not what defines you, however. I have made it my mission to not hide my homosexuality- but not advertise it either. Basically- if someone is hanging out with me... yeah- we'll talk sports. We'll talk girls even. Just don't be too suprised when I say something about a cute guy or a relationship I'm currently in. That's just the way it is- like it or leave it. Some people can handle it - other people can't. You'll be quick to discover those people who are comfortable with you being you whenever, where ever, and however.

stick it out bro- you'll find your groove.

cam

daveincleveland said...

glad your back, and like me, you i don't are ashamed of who you are becoming, the real you, but what hampers us is that damn society has condemmed us over the years, perhaps thats why i am in the damn fix that i am in right now, because of what society has told us we need to do, or need to be or what ever....just be you, and all else will fall in to place and perhaps if soemone is not cool about it then there will be new people who will be excited about it........hang in there

Anonymous said...

OMG I could write the same thing. I just want to yell it out too but can't right now....this is frustrating like you said....I enjoy reading your blog...keep it up.

derick25 said...

I understand completely. I'm 25, family and friends don't know, been in a seven year relationship with someone they think is my best friend. I'm successful, educated, but just can't bring myself to say it. Like I said, I'm Fucking Gay. I can't take the questions about when I'm going to get married and start dating. Why can't just fucking say it?! Nice to know I'm not the only one ...

double lifer said...

hey derick25, thanks for the comment. do you have a blog?

latetotheshow said...

You're doing fine. I've been doing what you're doing for a long time and don't feel overly guilty about it. I'm 52, and I was a sports writer so coming out was not a good idea, and my family's reaction would be mixed. You'll know when the time is right.

dwight said...

My mom has known about me being gay for like a decade and I am still not really comfortable that she knows.

Anonymous said...

feel exactly the same way as u do. just want to move away to another state n start over; like you said, wipe away the old state and start a new.

D